Childhood Triggers

Quiet, he says nothing.
He doesn't tell me what's on his mind.
"Please tell me something!"
I tell stories, I smile, I cry, I yell...
still he's quiet.


A lover reminded me of someone.


He laughs.
Weak people are a joke.
He considers himself better.
I start to choke.


A friend reminded me of someone.


Sneaky, smart and skeptical,
I saw this man many times in them,
they were my father,
for his sins I got grafted in...
those men, my father...
what?
My faaathhher!


*                *                     *


Love, what was that to him?
Did it perform?
This is why I went out on a limb.
Did it suit a purpose?
What was the relevancy?
"Look at my certificates, want to see, want to see, Daddy!?"


When love caused pain, it was pushed away.
No talking, TV is on...
better not have much to say.


Children.
Seen not heard.
An attempt was made to change the father's past.
He had sex, planned for family--way too fast.


Conversation invited criticism,
shut the poor child's mouth up!
Shout her down!
He sipped too much from a cup.
Go back to being seen, not heard.


"Don't say this...
Don't say that...
If you tell..."
Old devil wearing a hat.


What was I supposed to do again?
What was I supposed to hide?
Good man walking,
my emotions were taking me for a ride.
good girl, no talking--
just a relative and a friend to confide.


Repressed memories,
revealed truth.
Harsh words
ruined a child's self esteem.
Angry hands
caused a child to fear men.
Control, control must have control--
he invited a spirit of confusion.
This wasn't discipline!


Recalled why getting shoved was okay,
why being called names was alright,
learned to formulate scripts on what to say...
why grabbing received a pass from a lover--
too many times in one day.


Didn't wonder anymore why childhood triggers
pushed me into the arms of what the patriarch said was,
"No Good N*ggers!"


I could understand,
even if he too was a black man.


The power of the pen,
freed me, wrote my way out of misery.


Thought back to the past,
realized why love didn't last.
Tired of the blame, caught up in the shame,
being exposed, he didn't want to feel lame.


"So shut that child up,
put something in that cup...
leave me alone,
don't bother to phone."
I heard it all in his tone.


Destroyed false beliefs,
wasn't going back to provide any reliefs.


Moving on with this thing called, life,
being healed from one particular strife.


God sees all and
pride comes before
a man's fall.


Nicholl McGuire is the author of Say Goodbye to Dad and other books.

A Word from Nicholl, Blogger of lovepoetrybynicholl.blogspot.com

I had no plans back in 2007 to blog about anything related to my past.  A past riddled of loveless relationships, pain, verbal and nonverbal abuse as well as physical violence.  I can't honestly say that I was ever head over heels in love with anyone since my high school days, but I have loved.  The kind of love that isn't juvenile, lust-filled or crazy like a woman obsessed.  Rather, I have simply loved those who have been rejected, abused and bitter about life in the hopes that somehow my being in their worlds would be some benefit/relief.  However, some saw my love as a weakness--something to take advantage of, play a few mind games. These deceptive lovers had laughed to the bank while I saved them yet another dollar.  They had got into bed with someone else while with me.  Others made excuses as to why they couldn't/wouldn't help me despite my doing for them.


I've heard far too many lines from angry men (these are the type I typically attract).  Lines like:  "I love you...a man would be a fool to let you go...I need you...I want you...I will take care of you...I will marry you...I appreciate you...I wouldn't lie to you...I wouldn't cheat...I would never hit you."  Sure, sure, sure.  I think I am desensitized to flattering comments and sweet statements from my admirers.  I quietly sit back and say to myself, "Once the newness of me has worn off, you will be like all the rest."


But what I am at peace with is knowing that through the words I write and speak, someone somewhere is learning those subtle, as well as not-so subtle things, that manipulative lovers do to the gullible.  Wisdom that parents have no time to teach and ministers don't bother to preach. 


The more you learn from your relationship experiences, the more you will grow in wisdom.  You will not give your heart away, you will protect it.  You will not lose your mind as well as your body during a love-making experience.  Most of all, you won't be so naïve to think that someone will always love you and only you.


Thanks for stopping by, enjoy my love journey.  It is my hope that readers, who haven't experienced being in a relationship with manipulators, users, and abusers won't.  Toxic relationships affect your mind, body and spirit for years if you don't get out as soon as you can! 


Check out http://laboringtoloveanabusivemate.blogspot.com, there I provide information to battered men and women.


God bless.


Nicholl 

Have Never Been in Love with My Lovers' Minds

Silly, foolish
too serious,
pretending to be knowledgeable,
dumbed down to a single syllable.


Never been in love with my lovers' minds.
Ignored the warning, flashing red signs.
Reduced my own thinking to fit in,
then hated them for the mess I got in.


TV suffocated, short skirt distracted, athlete dreamers,
ugly, naked bodies abandoned due to much eating,
they sit in cheap seating...ignorant, tired men,
Watching them with hand on chin, "Forgive me Lord for past sin."


They don't see their laziness, greed, lack of common sense.
Deep discussions intense, eyes look to run, prefer to have fun.
Undisciplined, lack focus, unable to complete a sentence..."Um, um, um..."
Dumb duh dumb!


Disputes over nothing, ignore the important things,
talk, talk, talk more than women amongst brothers
dumb, stupid ex-lovers...


They tried to put me down for their lack,
mad because I didn't have their back.
Why?  When your words hurt me
like sitting on a thumbtack?


Rid myself of you wasn't about to boo, hoo, hoo
over you. 
Where are the good men? 
Already taken, more than a few.


Started out positive in life,
despite truth cutting me like a knife.
Looked at the glass half full,
until I realized I was with a fool.
Broke my own rule--not cool!


Settled for lost, stubborn, stillborn men--
now that's a sin!


Got caught up, between sheets
tried to nurse my defeats.
Took a leap then another,
sought advice from my mother.


Never been in love with my lovers' minds,
far too many desire a huge, smelly behind.


Nicholl McGuire

Mentally Controlled by Lovers Rooster Pecked Women - Relationship Advice

Although this is not poetry, but commentary about women who are controlled by their intimate partners, it is still relevant to the subject matter on this site about love.  Be free from a suffocating relationship!  Nicholl shares more insightful and spiritual audio at YouTube channel: nmenterprise7.  Feel free to subscribe!

Caught

It wasn't easy to be me,
didn't want responsibility--
was once young,
liked to have fun,
and didn't hesitate to run!




Didn't want problem men,
but was in much sin--
always had a "friend."




But the dating game changed,
a player had rearranged a
young girl's mind--
smacked me far too much
on the behind.




Saw what I wanted to see,
wanted the player to just love me.
Thought I had the game figured out,
but my head experienced a clout.




Caught up in chasing after love,
received some insight from above.
Didn't want to wait for it to find me,
wanted what stood in front of me.




If now was now, so be it,
make the square try to fit
in a round hole, a lost soul.




You see, so many young girls
with hair full of curls,
with bright lipstick,
excited about Dick,
who is blind, and
could care less
about making them sick.




Months later bent over a toilet,
asking themselves, "Was it worth it?"
Regrets, upset, "Who was that
I just met?"




Didn't bother to put their guard up,
told to, "Shut the f*ck up!"
Pounding in and out,
boy men getting aroused when they shout.


So the young girl becomes crazy lady
now with a crying, wet baby,
wants Dick to make her his "Lady."
What?
He just wanted the butt.




But players don't change,
old lovers out of range,
always looking for a fresh piece of meat,
they leave lives incomplete.




Nicholl McGuire, see YouTube channel: nmenterprise7

If You Thought

If you thought that I ought,
I sought.


If you thought that I should not,
I fought.


If you believed I could,
I would.


People wrote my life stories,
I pretended to get the glories.


Told me they cared for me,
so many lies I would see.


They said what I should,
then I would, I would.


No joy with a new boy,
played by him like a toy.


Not happy with more money
or promises sweet like honey.


Always an issue,
go grab a tissue.


People say that they will do,
but sooner or later they forget about you.


Claim that they are being true,
this happened with more than a few.


Fall behind on bills,
climbing steep financial hills.


Desired to be on top,
no time to stop.


Thoughts run away from you,
"...got to do, got to do!"


Then one day you get sick,
from a demon's sticky lick.


Try to find a righteous way,
attempt to pray,
but forget what to say.


Calls come through on a phone,
pick up and get a dial tone.


No time to bring any more people in,
need to rid yourself of a sin.


A rebel keeps getting into trouble,
before long a life turns into rubble.




Nicholl McGuire

True Love Must Be Earned - a poem by Nicholl McGuire

Flowers, rain showers,
the beauty went on for hours.
I saw a rainbow after the last drop fell,
my health started doing very well.

Had been lovesick for days,
I thought it was just a phase.

This was something so new,
made me think of much to do.

In my sickness,
saw so many past faces,
had remembered being in so many dark places.

But this special person did things to me,
stuff I had dreams about, you see?

But days of spending time alone,
and feeling those pains that
made me groan,
I knew that this person was my one,
waited for years to finally have some real fun!

The best was yet to come!
Spent years fighting my fears,
and holding back so many tears.

Then along comes That One
who makes it all feel better,
I couldn't wait to sit
down and pen a love letter.

When I was a child,
I thought of times like these,
seemed so far beyond what
the eyes could see.

Worked hard to become free,
desired much for someone
to just love me.

Then you finally earn the right,
to be that only one in their sight.

Yesterday was definitely worth the fight.
Welcomed into that special someone's light.

The one thing that I yearned,
the one thing that I learned
is true love must be earned!

Nicholl McGuire
 

Rejected Kiss

Figured out
why he makes me shout
and why I want to get out!

Thought about the love I missed,
when I longed for a kiss,
but experienced a diss.

It was years before under a floor,
in a basement
when rejection left me sore.

I wanted so bad to feel glad,
but ended up feeling so mad!

What was a boyfriend for?
Relationships were such a bore.

At the young age of eleven,
I desired an earth like heaven.

There was much hoped for in that kiss,
one I didn't think I would miss.

Books and movies had prepared me for that day,
it was "...the kiss" they would say.

Something so special to make life better,
I asked for one in a love letter.

Prince Charming was supposed to pucker up,
but instead I felt ashamed, hoped he would shut up.

A boy wasn't ready for an adult life,
heard that love could cut like a knife.

So fast forward to this very present day,
rejection was evident--another reason to pray.

Nicholl McGuire

So Free!

Not strong, all wrong
a relationship didn't last very long.

Content with being single,
avoided places to mingle.

There was too much pain and stuff,
her poor heart yelled, "Enough is enough!"
So relieved to be over them,
especially that Worst Him!

For that mean one brought so much heartache,
spent years acting joyous and fake!
Men like him, come in every make--
gullible hearts they like to take.

So free to be a beautiful me!
No longer having to fight,
no longer out of sight.

Don't have to worry about who, what or when,
a heart no longer made of tin.

It is finally a good time in my life,
so over the ugly and depressing strife!

It's been a long time since I could smile,
oftentimes felt like I run a mile.

Sleepless nights, internal fights,
bad dreams...as trivial as it all seems,
yet someone, somewhere is in a
relationship with a lover who doesn't care.

Nicholl McGuire

Just Want to Be Happy

Unmasked his face
and saw what I wanted to see.
It was a personality sort of like me.

He had told me that he cared,
but the demon within just stared.

He had fought long and hard,
but all that did was retard
the growth of our relationship.

While his heart and mind was elsewhere--
in front of a computer screen his heart
he would share.
I just gave him an evil glare.

I was happy at first, grateful to give birth,
but lost my self-worth.
Too busy trying to find a lost me,
underneath the man on top of me.

So I looked to the troubled soul,
and held out my hand,
he took me to a distant land.
So not happy with the outcome,
1+1, I forgot the sum.

Saw what I wanted to see,
that personality sort of like me.

He was a master deceiver,
had found his receiver.
But his ways and actions said,
"I'll leave her."

Caught up in a fantasy of a few,
didn't listen to my own view,
now what was a girl to do?

Nicholl McGuire

 

Her Past, Her Ex - Crazy Love

She knew the time to tell you,
"I'm through, so over you!"
Regrets she had of saying, "I do."
She once asked often,
"What happened to you two?"

A conversation with her ex
who was often so complex.
He tried to find anyone
who would respond to his text.

A friend who was tired of being fired.
Her man got angry he would shout,
"Get out! Get out!"
She would spend weeks and pout.

Break up to make up,
that's all the couple ever did.
She wasn't quite ready to
cover the pot with a lid.

The last time she did,
it steamed and spilled over,
he thought he could show her.
He thought he could control her!

The woman was often mad,
some days she felt glad--
when he was nowhere around
he couldn't flip her world
upside down.
Saw her one day in town,
she wore no frown.
But I could see she had
a new clown.

"Better than the last..."
she said to me,
but as far as I could see,
he was just another who had her key.

She didn't protect her heart--
never from the start.
Nothing more than a Sweet Tart.

I could see the Old Me in she.
Wanting so bad for her to be happy,
believing his words, oh so sappy!

But another Mr. Wrong,
who talked too long,
and bragged about having
a big ding d*ng.

How long this would last,
before he was Past?

I wished her the best,
knew about that test.
Went my merry way
and told her, "God bless."

Time would only tell,
crazy love is hell!

Nicholl McGuire

 

He Hit Her Face

He hit her face
blood all over the place
it didn't matter what the race...
he hit her face!

To be hit anywhere,
but the face,
"Where's my mace?"

Temporary insane,
a messed up mane,
told to, "Stay in your lane!
You don't know who am I,
do you want to die?"

He didn't lose his cool
about her talking to a fool,
he lost his cool, because she
like his mother broke a rule.

"You don't question me, talk to me,
tell me what you think of me--
got it?  My daddy didn't take no
woman giving him lip, now here,
drink this, take a sip."

She attempts to get up off the floor,
heads to the door, her face is sore.

"You won't leave here, wipe that tear!
I'm not going to jail, hell!  Sit right here!
Why you make me hurt you like this?
Come here baby, give me a kiss.
Now you listen to me, listen real good,
just do what I tell you, it's for your own good."

Nicholl McGuire also blogs on Laboring to Love an Abusive Mate.

One, Two, Three

One, two, three...
he said he was in love with me.
But that's not what I could see!

I swear I heard him say, "Love me."
One person's name is on his family tree.

He gave me one, two, three roses
to hide what was happening under our noses.

There was one, two, three women we knew.
Then years later there was more than a few!

One, two, three people died and that's when
he learned they all lied!

What they said, what happened in bed.
Down a black hole he was led.

Everyone paid the price,
he did away with all his Sugar and Spice.

Bitter, mean, and always ready for a fight--
hated everyone, everything in sight!

Skin was changing, heart unchanging.
Life had been rearranging.

I had long left, before he committed theft.
My departure was deft.

Before I allowed myself to pity him,
one, two, three I refused to go out on a limb.

Nicholl McGuire

 

A Devil of a Man

What more could I do
when my mind said, "You're through!"

No more opening a door,
no more shopping at the store,
or asking, "Would you please pick those things
up off the floor?"

Eyes stare back at me as if to kill me,
but I know no fear, I wipe a tear.

A sad affair, I took a dare,
and now all I can do is stop and glare.

So done with the attitude and so-called "Nice" acting rude!

*                          *                             *

There was once a man I knew,
he had many girls he didn't know what to do.
They thought he was fine, some made him,
"Mine."  But things were all over when
they didn't tow the line.

He would start to behave in negative ways
act rather odd for days and days.
Once happy girls' thought, "He's strange."
Then their personalities would also change.

He would then blame them
for going out on a limb
to help poor him.

He would lie, cry, say he would die
if ever one left while he stood before them
with his raised chin cleft.

The weird man had no real reason
for dismissing each girl after a season.
No understanding of love,
the nerve of him,
he prayed to one Above,
yet still no Holy Ghost came like a dove.

The empty soul was like a mole,
blind to sunlight, enjoyed the night.
Used words to fight,
then one day no girls in sight.

So he left me with one question to ask,
"Devil, who might be your next task?"

Nicholl McGuire

Clean Cup

A million pots of gold wishes--
reality sets in, I got dirty dishes.

Expected someone else to clean them up,
and bring me a new cup.

Some came did what they were told,
while others wished for my gold.

Gave up more than I received,
so my heart did grieve.

Had to trust in my God to straighten me up,
so I asked him for a clean, new and improved cup.

When things began to change in my miserable
love life, I felt stronger to deal with the trials and strife.

If I hadn't reached up and asked God to fill my cup,
then life would have ended, and my spirit let unmended.

But when I opened my arms, ignored spells and charms,
then love walked in to wash away my sin.

Only man held me to the past,
said my spirit wouldn't last.
But what he didn't know was the power of a fast.

If he knew my God, then all might have got better,
but he rarely took the time to read God's love letter.

Regrets I once had and many days I had been mad,
but these days I am glad more, than I am sad!

Nicholl McGuire

Zombie Man

Heart is cold,
a dead man walking.

Starts an attack,
comes from lack.

Feeds on others,
targets mothers.

Not handsome or unique,
isn't the man most women seek.

With no money, he acts funny,
and days with him aren't sunny.

Explained why things didn't work,
tried to make amends,
but he acted like a jerk,
preferred to look at women online
who liked to twerk.

Something went amiss
in the boy man's mind,
but past mental conditioning kept
him behind.

Respects the pimp, hustler, player icons,
another young man, another con.

Charming the ladies to make babies,
does stupid things, acts shady.

A silly man with yet another dumb plan.
Refuse to do what's right--
devious at night.

Behind backs he's sneaky,
does things that are creepy.

You can talk until your blue in the face,
cry until the tears streak your face,
but men like him are all over the place.
A past with him, you attempt to erase.

Nicholl McGuire

 

A Writer's Inspiration

Beautiful flowers
summer showers
distant view
tall towers.

Seated in a park,
it is after dark.
Looking up at stars,
below streets lined with cars.

A white screen,
a love scene.
Wish it was me,
a warm embrace I see.

Reflect back to good times,
moments like these
inspire rhymes.

Nicholl McGuire


 

1996 Picked Up Sticks

Too much
too soon.
Last I remember,
a blood moon.
Thought he had left
around noon.
What was I to do?
He was one of a few.

Attracted to me on a bad day,
they never knew what to say.
So I listened to their speech,
waited for the moment to teach.
They didn't want me to preach.
Attached to me like a leech.

My blood didn't cover their sin.
Lust-filled immoral men.
What war was I fighting in?
A spiritual guide, lied.
Said I would be okay,
never encouraged me to pray.

There was no saving me
for a wedding day.
The one that left,
I think he was gay.

I knew I was bad,
but didn't want to be sad.
Those men made me mad!
Tried to fight the pain within
danced my way into sin.
What more was I to do?
Did it all.
Took a fall...
Caught an old love walking in a mall.
Who was the girl?
My head did twirl.

I didn't play for keeps,
just loved when my heart did leaps.

I liked another, he was fun.
Then there was The One.

1996 picked up sticks,
back then, got my fix.
Played the game,
five minutes of fame.
Now today I'm tame.

Nicholl McGuire


 

They Say the B was Crazy

Lying men say women are crazy.
Cheating men place blame, attempt to tame.

History of manipulation, copulation, elation, and denigration.
Connivers, Womanizers tell their new women, "The last one was crazy."

Define crazy, please?
No ripped up clothes, no scratches on one's car,
no scars on a face, no blood all over the place.
 No stalking, she just stopped talking?

Frustrated, yelling,
tears streaming down cheeks.
His ex threw a thing or two,
what did that man do?

Is that crazy?

She said, "Enough is enough!"
Got tired of putting up with his stuff.

I hate their line, "The b*tch was crazy..."
What about you, Lazy?

Too tired to take care of your business,
robbed your household of happiness.

Couldn't keep up with the show.
No wonder she wished for your a** to go!

Nicholl McGuire

The Narcissist

If I told him how much I love him
I doubt he would even care
so I protect my soul,
not willing to share.

If I told him how I felt when he
acted so sweetly to others,
he would claim he doesn't
act any different in front of the brothers.

If I told him that I wish that he
wouldn't use me like a dish,
he would just shake his head,
deny and insist...

"You got me all wrong,
didn't I already hear this song?
I like to be me, can't you see?
So what that I can be demanding,
why talk about me?  Look at you,
I don't like your view.  I don't do what
you think I do.
Don't expose me...you know I can sue! 
People like me, because I'm funny--
besides I make lots of money.
You should be happy to be with someone like me,
don't you see?  I am a treasure, God's gift.
How long did it take you to find a real
man through your sift?
I picked you because I thought you were meant for me,
but I realize now, an old fantasy from age 23.
Aren't you supposed to be my help-mate? 
This is why I agreed to date. 
Why couldn't you just be real nice...entice,
but no you had to be unpredictable like rolling dice?
So I ignore you, so what? 
I'll come around when I need some butt.
So you don't like how I am?
Guess you will go back and tell your fam...
I am a good man, oh yes I am!"

He doesn't hear the rolling waves of pain,
I think this man is partially insane!

He doesn't hear the lies, he tells,
looks the other way when he fails.

Loves to blame this person, this thing and that place,
walks around with a grimace on his face.
But give him something to help build his life,
then personal jealousy will create some strife.

"Why didn't I think of that...what's up with that?
Think I will go pet The Cat..."
Yet, his good mood doesn't last very long,
then it's back to singing that old, tired song...

"He doesn't love me, he doesn't care,
all he does is sit back and stare.
I hate his glare, life seems so unfair...
why did I take myself up on this dare?"

Nicholl McGuire

For the Love of Drugs

On the way to the zoo,
I had seen my share, a few.
A wild-eyed, tall woman with one red shoe,
dancing with a short man who didn't know what to do.
And there was one more, I forgot who?

Nicholl McGuire

 

Morbidly Odd

I met a man who was very fat.
He had eyes like a cat.
I wondered how he could get
his head in that little hat.

Nicholl McGuire

Death Becomes Him

There once was a man with crossed eyes
who liked to tell many lies.
Life became rough,
the women called his bluff,
a shovel of dirt muffled his cries.

Nicholl McGuire

No Touch

It's such
a simple thing
a touch.

Why must he be,
like me?
Resistant to opportunity.

Build up romance,
stop focusing on finance.
When was the last time we danced?

No touch,
such
a shame.
Relationships like this, lame.

What one will do for fame,
to share a shame...
tired of playing his game.

There are winners
and then there are losers.

Losers become
abusers.

Nicholl McGuire

Didn't Know

Walked with him, didn't know,
that I was not his friend, but a foe.
Thought that I was cool like So and So.
But little did I know,
she too was his foe.

How long must this foolishness last!
Realize now why family said, "...moving too fast!"
Too busy trying to forget the past,
I knew I should have gone on that spiritual fast!

What more must I go through to achieve happiness,
experience yet another emotional illness?
This time I didn't cause this mess,
and I had nothing to confess.

Didn't want to make him mad,
didn't tell him I was so sad.
Knew this friendship--a passing fad.
Should have listened to my dad.

His choices are not my fault,
life for him had no salt.
Preferred to drink a fatty malt,
loans went into default.

While I tried to warn this man,
he was too busy looking at a young girl's tan.

When I told him we had much work to do,
he didn't care if bill collectors made threats to sue.

Looked at me as if I would take his fall,
watched him go on trips to the mall.
Walked around ignored my calls.

Now that I know he is a foolish foe,
I'll pull back his curtain and end his show.

Nicholl McGuire



 

A Single Woman's Wish

Here I am, now where are you?
I did what I had to do to find you.

Thought of you the other day,
remembered some of the funny stuff we liked to say.

Wondered where have you been all these years.
I spent many months holding back tears.

A past that just couldn't last...(sigh)

You see after we talked,
and you had walked,
there was this fellow who came along.
In a dream you told me, "That's Mr. Wrong."

But I went on and married the dude,
turned out that he was just plain rude--
often in a bad mood.

Another one of those deceptive cheaters,
with dreams of driving an expensive two seater.

Always turning his head,
wishing for the next one he'll bed.

But life now appears to be much better,
you still holding on to my childhood love letters?

I'm still here, but where are you?
Probably tied to someone trying to stay true.

When you're done and ready to sit in my warm sun,
let's plan for the future, but this time don't run.

Life is so simple when your single,
always ready to get around and mingle--
wishing for that one who makes you tingle.

But then your eyes become wide awake,
realize some people can be so fake--
often in your face to see what they can take.

It feels good when you still have that "in love" feeling,
it feels good when you know your heart is healing.

So true love you are welcome back into my life,
you were the one that caused no strife.

Nicholl McGuire

Dedicated to those readers who have fond past memories.




 

That One Last Time

Pointing at one, two,
Oh my God, what have I gotten myself into?

In my mind, his name keeps popping up,
did someone put somethin' in my cup?

He walks in the door, "What's up?"
I'm trying to figure out did he make a stop.
Feel like I'm about to blow my top!

Familiar faces, names, and lies he tells,
a little idle time and yet again he fails!
Can't keep his friend tucked away,
he always finds somewhere to lay.

No eyes, just one big mouth.
You know that friend, the one down South!

Some of you have been there too,
wondering how many women,
hmm more than a few!

When you think it's just one,
and he promises, "I'm done..."
that's when you find out,
he has more than a son.


Nicholl McGuire

Just a friendly reminder, protect yourself!  You never know where cheaters go, some so carefree--on the down-low.

In the Words of a Heartbreaker

Everytime you show up,
I want you to leave.
Make excuses of why I don't want you to be...
my friend,
my boyfriend,
want this all to end!

Make up lies,
to get you to go away,
say things like,
"Oh, I have a busy day..."

A person like you isn't meant to be true.
I went through this before, screamed
so much, my throat grew sore.

So I don't get attached to those who aren't my match.
I have my heart protected with a secure latch.

Don't want for me, because I won't change!
Don't stick around, love's call is out of the range!

Hopefully you will find someone much better,
that's why I decided to send you this letter.

So long, so long
I know this is wrong.
But I really do have a million things to do,
and I just couldn't make myself fall in love with you.


Nicholl McGuire is the author of Laboring to Love Myself. Scroll to link on left to purchase book.

A Boyfriend's Controlling Mother

Move out my way,
I have much to say!
Thought about That Man
and his Momma yesterday.
Today is his lucky day.

Let's talk about his mom
and what she likes to do,
behind your back, she will start a coup.

It's time to bring the truth out,
and oh yes, I'm going to shout!

Liars play games with your head,
get you all caught up in what is ahead.
Tell you they love you and will be true,
then they hope you don't have babies and sue!

Mommas in the background, making lots of sound,
thinking that what goes around won't come back around.

Meddling in relationship affairs,
using mean spirits and dirty stares
hoping to move a son elsewhere,
then claim the couple is not acting fair.

God sees the foolishness that a momma brings,
sowing seeds of doubt is the song that she sings.

Telling her baby that he doesn't need a lady,
creating a show for herself, acting shady.

Momma wants her way,
encourages others to pray,
only to get her son to stay
only to marry him off one day!
Remembers why she sent him away.

Keep your momma out your love life,
she will bring on the strife.
Cut your woman with a knife.

Momma is an actress, plays a "good" show,
thinks the enlightened don't know,
momma is no friend, she's a foe.

Nicholl McGuire

It's Not My Fault

Don't blame me for quitting YOUR dream.
Sorry, I stopped playing on YOUR team.

Years ago, you made me think you loved me,
made me feel like you honestly cared about me.

With head held high, you sipped your tea,
and flashed money in your wallet, so that I could see.

"I am going to a land called, Opportunity
and I'm going to be all that I ever wanted to be...
you'll see!"

So I rolled my sleeves up and I got us there,
and that's when you dropped your underwear!
Had the nerve to tell others, I didn't play fair!?

What on earth made you do what you did!?
Then brought the crazy B to our crib!
So what that I had left only a day before,
but I was your wife, not your whore!

Couldn't wait for me to go,
so that you could advertise So and So!

No, I'm not to blame for your troubles,
and yes I did deflate your many bubbles.

Today you were doing this, and tomorrow that,
meanwhile on a day off you just sat and sat!

Always talking about your needs,
while thinking you were going
to get away with misdeeds.

In another's life, causing her strife,
walking around with your little knife.

One should always watch his back,
especially when he easily blows his stack.

Thinking one is better than the rest,
sooner or later, he will be put to test.

So I take no fault for your pain,
hold my head high while I shake my mane!


Nicholl McGuire

Why You Look So Evil?

The men asked,
"Why do you wear that mask?"

I took it off,
and I heard one cough.

"Oh, she looks evil,
a face that raises upheaval,
so we see."

That's what eyes said about me.

"Sorry, I don't want to smile at all.
Don't want love to make me fall,
only for me to later end it all."

Keep my face serious, while waiting for a bus.
Not interested in creating any new "Us."

Earned my freedom, happy to be free!
Don't want another man acting like
he likes me.

Curious they are, desire to see,
between my legs
want to always bind me!

But I won't be moved,
nor will I be soothed
by yet another fool,
stubborn as a mule.

Putting my street knowledge in front,
I know about their plans for a hunt.

Gullible, blinded by emotions
will bring on the motions.

Some females caught in hell.
Telling lies, saying, "...relationship doing well..."

Making statements like, "I know..."
putting on a false show.
Dressed all up like a hoe.

Pretenders know how to play,
select the right words to say,
then the next thing you know,
they plan a wedding show.

So I give devils the evil look,
because I know their playbook.
They have a long history
of souls that they took.


Nicholl McGuire

Not Ready

An affectionate touch from a friend
sent chills up and down my spine.
I came up with yet another line.
Not quite ready for what was ahead,
wondered how long I could avoid the bed.

My coral lips didn't help,
mesmerized he was,
watched them as I spoke.
Hypnotized by their movement.

Up, down, up, down
envisioning clothes
left on the ground.
My ears heard no sound.

What he said, I don't recall,
too focused on not wanting to fall.

Nicholl McGuire

If It's Love that You Need

If it's love that you want
then come get it.

If it's love that you need,
I'm here for you.

Talk to me,
find out what I need from you.

Before we take off our clothes
and explore
let me know
what I'm in for!

Give me what I need first.
Tell me that you won't hurt me.

I need for your love to be free.
Don't want to compete with your past.

If it's love that you want
then come get it.

If it's love that you need,
I'm here honey.

Life is too short
to be arguing.

Oh, love should be growing!
I want you in my life.

But I need to be sure that
you love me.


Nicholl McGuire

Note to readers:  This is a poem that is really meant to be sung.  Enjoy!

I Got Love for You Baby

I got love for you baby,
no longer your lady.

Been around for awhile,
have your number on speed dial.

We have been through so much,
you have been my crutch.
When tired legs, could no longer stand,
you grabbed hold of my hand.

I love when you come around,
keep my feet on solid ground.
When my foes tempt me to show out,
I know you have my back--no doubt!

I think of all you have done,
think of our boy, we call, Son.

I got love for you baby,
oh so much love--
the kind that comes from above.

You are my sun shining,
with you I see a silver lining.
Hope for the future is what you give me,
my love, my light, you are all that I see!

Happy Valentine's Day, Readers!

Nicholl McGuire

Old Flame

Tall trees,
tall love
we walked along yet another wooded path.

I held your hand.
We talked much.

You stopped.
Held me close.

Whispered in your ear.
It had been over a year.

"Blue eyes,
promise me no lies.
I have grew up to become very wise.
You have long been in my thoughts.
I sought, I got...
nothing to replace
your innocent face."

She shared her heart.
They were off to a good start.

He wasn't letting her leave this time,
for that would have been a crime.

He had endured much--
had to break free from a Clutch.
Ran away from a Stalker and
got trapped with a Street Walker.

But he had returned in the hopes of
rekindling love. 
Desired to be what she had prayed him to be,
the man that could rescue thee...
from a self who missed out on many things
one who had worn many mens' diamond rings.

They weren't right for her, this he knew,
he was a little late to take a clue.
But now it was time to prove love too.

He was far above all the others,
and like them, he had lost his mother.
She was the light in a blind man's eyes.
He had to come clean and expose lies.

With so much to gain and nothing to lose,
this time he wouldn't dare refuse,
a love like this,
a once in a lifetime bliss.

He jumped at the chance to rekindle a lost romance.

Nicholl McGuire

Love Had New Meaning

New Love walked into my life.
Gave my days meaning,
my heart was gleaning.

Harvesting memories,
pushing out old glories.
Happy to have met you.

Took a chance,
with you
and remained true.
Did all that I could do.

Romance was fast.
Prayed for happiness to last.

Believed in you.

But one day I awoke
to a harsh reality--
disturbed my mentality.

You were forbidden,
thought my friend was kiddin.'

He's seeing someone else.


Nicholl McGuire

Crazy Boys

Crazy boy
staring at me,
"What do you see?  What do you see?
Why are you always looking at me?"

Crazy boy looking for a toy,
hoping I would be The One,
to give him a baby boy.

Too young was I,
I rather die.
Didn't want any baby,
not until I was an old lady.

Crazy boy promised me things,
like a wedding ring, and then he would sing.
I melted when I heard that voice,
but still I had made my choice.

"No baby, I said, no baby.  You won't
make me an old lady!"

Romance tempts you to chance,
makes you lose your pants.
You forget about life,
and all the strife.

Head rolling in bliss,
after a kiss.
Then he wants to tell you,
"Oh, how much I miss..."

You think everything is so nice,
sex is like rolling some dice.
Hope he loves me, maybe not,
Cupid's arrow doesn't make the shot.

Crazy boy thinks he can trap you,
thinks he can make you do The Do.
Weak girls give up their toys
for crazy, lost, ignorant boys.

When all is given, boys are done,
off they run to seek more fun.

Good girls try to keep them around,
but bad boys drown out their sound.

Miserable boys they become,
when they have a baby Mum.
Evil they are,
when money doesn't go far!

Pay for this and pay for that,
crazy boy had no control
over his bat.

Making home runs,
now he's done.

Should have listened to wisdom
when you had the chance,
should have avoided the second glance.

Nicholl McGuire

Say Goodbye

Note: This is dedicated to my readers who have lost loved ones.

I had hoped to talk to you one more time
to tell you that I'm feeling fine.

Had wanted to say
how much I pray
that all would be well, that you would be okay.
But didn't have time to talk that day.

You took your cue,
you knew,
I had alot to do--
minutes I didn't have, not even a few.

But I didn't expect our last phone call
would be The End,
so a simple text I wrote, followed by "Send."

"Talk to u soon...love you"
Then back to the list "To Do."

Never dreaming in a thousand years,
that I would be shedding so many tears.

I could have listened to your voice--
could have made the right choice.

You were the one who helped me combat my fears,
and told me to, "Dry up those tears..."
You had been there when no one else had,
you accepted me even when I was bad.

I love you so much, I love you so!
So soon you had to go.
Some reasons we will never know.

Thank you for listening,
now a spiritual being.

You have given me peace,
my guilt has ceased.

Goodbye, goodbye.
Long-live your love
it will never die.


Nicholl McGuire is author of Laboring to Love Myself and other books.

Is Valentine's Day Important? It all depends on who you ask.

What She Would Have Said...

Note to reader:  When I wrote the following poem, I heard a melody in my head.  Imagine a piano sound and a series of ooos as if warning the listener the jilted lover has gone half crazy.  I envisioned a man first begging for the relationship.  Then I thought of a woman and what she might have hoped to hear from a former lover. Enjoy!

I was looking at your face
the other day
thinking if you give me half a chance
to start over--
a new romance.

We had great times.
Everything wasn't bad.
You loved me like no other--
even when you're mad.

You spoke beautiful things,
made me feel like a king.

What happened to us?
Someone came
and destroyed
what we had been trying to build.

Should have known
when you smiled so brightly
it was no longer for me.

Would you give me half a chance?
Remember how we danced?
A two step, then a twirl,
ended with a dip.
Love like ours is a trip--
highs and lows.
You loved me so.

Let me fight for your love,
listen to the words that I give!
You opened yourself to him,
cried the blues,
don't you know you'll lose!
Don't you see the cues?

Give me a half chance!

He's married, oh so married!
I love you more than you know!
I thought our love would grow...
this was an all-time low.

Forget what I told you...
I'll get over you!

Keep your chance!
I'll start a new romance.
I'll find another song, another dance.
No chance.

Nicholl McGuire