I had no plans back in 2007 to blog about anything related to my past. A past riddled of loveless relationships, pain, verbal and nonverbal abuse as well as physical violence. I can't honestly say that I was ever head over heels in love with anyone since my high school days, but I have loved. The kind of love that isn't juvenile, lust-filled or crazy like a woman obsessed. Rather, I have simply loved those who have been rejected, abused and bitter about life in the hopes that somehow my being in their worlds would be some benefit/relief. However, some saw my love as a weakness--something to take advantage of, play a few mind games. These deceptive lovers had laughed to the bank while I saved them yet another dollar. They had got into bed with someone else while with me. Others made excuses as to why they couldn't/wouldn't help me despite my doing for them.
I've heard far too many lines from angry men (these are the type I typically attract). Lines like: "I love you...a man would be a fool to let you go...I need you...I want you...I will take care of you...I will marry you...I appreciate you...I wouldn't lie to you...I wouldn't cheat...I would never hit you." Sure, sure, sure. I think I am desensitized to flattering comments and sweet statements from my admirers. I quietly sit back and say to myself, "Once the newness of me has worn off, you will be like all the rest."
But what I am at peace with is knowing that through the words I write and speak, someone somewhere is learning those subtle, as well as not-so subtle things, that manipulative lovers do to the gullible. Wisdom that parents have no time to teach and ministers don't bother to preach.
The more you learn from your relationship experiences, the more you will grow in wisdom. You will not give your heart away, you will protect it. You will not lose your mind as well as your body during a love-making experience. Most of all, you won't be so naïve to think that someone will always love you and only you.
Thanks for stopping by, enjoy my love journey. It is my hope that readers, who haven't experienced being in a relationship with manipulators, users, and abusers won't. Toxic relationships affect your mind, body and spirit for years if you don't get out as soon as you can!
Check out http://laboringtoloveanabusivemate.blogspot.com, there I provide information to battered men and women.
God bless.
Nicholl
I've heard far too many lines from angry men (these are the type I typically attract). Lines like: "I love you...a man would be a fool to let you go...I need you...I want you...I will take care of you...I will marry you...I appreciate you...I wouldn't lie to you...I wouldn't cheat...I would never hit you." Sure, sure, sure. I think I am desensitized to flattering comments and sweet statements from my admirers. I quietly sit back and say to myself, "Once the newness of me has worn off, you will be like all the rest."
But what I am at peace with is knowing that through the words I write and speak, someone somewhere is learning those subtle, as well as not-so subtle things, that manipulative lovers do to the gullible. Wisdom that parents have no time to teach and ministers don't bother to preach.
The more you learn from your relationship experiences, the more you will grow in wisdom. You will not give your heart away, you will protect it. You will not lose your mind as well as your body during a love-making experience. Most of all, you won't be so naïve to think that someone will always love you and only you.
Thanks for stopping by, enjoy my love journey. It is my hope that readers, who haven't experienced being in a relationship with manipulators, users, and abusers won't. Toxic relationships affect your mind, body and spirit for years if you don't get out as soon as you can!
Check out http://laboringtoloveanabusivemate.blogspot.com, there I provide information to battered men and women.
God bless.
Nicholl
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