Yesterday’s Regret

I am sorry for every wrong thing I ever said to your face, behind your back

And how frustrated I was because you didn’t recognize lack.

I apologize for not having the patience to “…hang in there,”

even when affection was reduced to a stare.

I can’t tell you enough how much I wish things would have changed,

And that my decisions about us should have been rearranged.

I regret having never told you that you simply weren’t right for me,

and that I couldn’t get pass what I wanted, what I could see.

I couldn’t make a square peg fit into a round hole--no matter how hard I tried.

Far too many days, I laid down and just cried.

You were nice…my standards should have been more than just nice,

Charming words often trick us, specially selected to entice.

I don’t apologize for being the person you thought I should be,

or that one who had an issue with she, he and me.

For every time I stood up for myself, I’m very happy I did.

I wasn’t a whining baby who needed a crib.

I can’t pretend that your name-calling, half-truths, and mean stares didn’t scar me

or that your temper tantrums, threats, and manipulations were far from me.

I will never see you the same way I did back then,

and don‘t even trust that you will be a good friend.

Please forgive me for not caring enough,

loving enough, fighting enough,

but I’m tired, so tired.

That’s why my self I have fired.

Some relationships are like running river waters, they never stop moving

and nothing about them are even a little bit soothing.

They keep going and going until someone cries, “Enough!”

Then before we know it, it is away with their stuff!

And so I’m glad, oh so very glad, to be rid of Pain and Shame.

The emotions experienced isn’t worth the fame.

Pain hurt me and I grew a stronger backbone.

Now I have to keep my heart from turning into stone.

Shame kept me at a distance, and I only grew closer to my Lord.

I learned how to fight using my shield and my sword.

Didn’t need anyone to tell me what I already knew,

that a relationship with him would be over, before it grew.

Can you relate, did something like this happen to you?


Nicholl McGuire creator of this blog and author of Spiritual Poems by Nicholl, Blurb.com