I'm Not Going to Say It, But I Have To...

I wasn't going to say it.
Determined to stick it out.
The words...
oh they sat on the pit of my stomach and were making me ill
too many times I swallowed them!

Those words that kill relationships were bubbling.
Stirring up all kinds of emotions.
Self-control was a challenge.

But one day you made it easy
you reached down inside of me
and made me throw them up!

"Get out!" you said.
"Where do I go?"
It had been a long time since I felt this way.
The last one who said it, put his hands on me.

Why did these men hate me so much?

They never wanted me to say anything to them.
Not a piece of advice, not a compliment, not anything!
They just wanted me to admire them while they stared at my beauty.
Take their instructions and don't ask questions.

Why did I attract fools?

I really didn't want to say it, but he made me...
I didn't want to go, but he helped me walk out the door.

Returned to an old life that didn't treat me much better
only to come back to him again and nothing got better.

He had only become stronger, angrier.
Criticized me for far too long.
Walked by me like I was a pet.
Rolled his eyes like a b*tch.

"I'm tired...tired of you!
Don't breathe on me.
Your breath smells.
Tired of your miserable little hells!
Hate the look of your face.
Tired of this race.
Don't like the way you make me feel.
Your body heavy, you don't skip a meal!
Your devilish eyes
I despise.
Why, oh why, did I believe your lies!"

"So this is it,
we don't fit?" is all you could say.

No more wondering about you
no more worrying about what to do.

So I said it..."we're through!"
and now I am ready to move on.

Nicholl McGuire