Behind these eyes
there are feelings
of guilt and shame
for giving a small
fragment of self
to undeserving individuals
for sharing love
for caring.
Behind these eyes
there are feelings
of sadness
and loneliness
because a desperate
soul put a fragile
heart at risk
tears have forgot
about falling.
These eyes long
to be touched
by a miracle again.
They yearn for happiness
They desire companionship
They deserve attention.
False fronts
to hold back emotions
protection for the inner self.
These dark brown eyes
need a reflection of a
special someone's face
who can give them vision.
Nicholl McGuire
It Was All Lies
His smile was a lie like that of a clown.
Behind the face was evil.
The first date
Corners of eyes were looking at someone else.
Next date
Phone rang unanswered.
Third date
Late again, always an excuse.
Fourth date
Lost in eyes and words.
Fifth date
Life stories.
Sixth date
Lustful thoughts.
Seventh date
His eyes were like snakes still looking at others.
Why did I allow this?
I reasoned it was natural.
I shook away what I thought was insecurity.
Told him I didn't believe in men having women friends.
He thought I didn't know any better.
I should have said I didn't believe he could be a friend to women.
He held my hand.
Lips desperate for a kiss.
Another lie dripped from his tongue.
I wasn't his only one,
he guided us to a false light.
They got away before
the union to create a replica of he.
I didn't.
He was covered in darkness.
I refused to see
I blinded myself.
Found an old red and black book
buried under dirty clothes.
The key to his strange demeanor.
A symbol used in dark cults on its cover.
It gave me weird feelings.
I couldn't put it down.
I was curious.
Highlighted text
Underlined text
Stars next to text.
This was his bible.
Naked women
photos
books
videos.
His hobby.
Ignorant me.
I was an answer to his dark prayer.
A sex slave.
My duties
to serve him
to give him
to do for him...
in return for my loyalty
a stick
to poke
to stroke
to jab
to hurt.
I sought a way out
of this mess
he called a relationship.
This was a virus.
I was infected with
his lies
his life
his dream
his plan
his scheme.
Let someone else be his prey,
so I prayed.
The sex slave left.
That's when he came to his senses,
but it was too late.
Nicholl McGuire
Behind the face was evil.
The first date
Corners of eyes were looking at someone else.
Next date
Phone rang unanswered.
Third date
Late again, always an excuse.
Fourth date
Lost in eyes and words.
Fifth date
Life stories.
Sixth date
Lustful thoughts.
Seventh date
His eyes were like snakes still looking at others.
Why did I allow this?
I reasoned it was natural.
I shook away what I thought was insecurity.
Told him I didn't believe in men having women friends.
He thought I didn't know any better.
I should have said I didn't believe he could be a friend to women.
He held my hand.
Lips desperate for a kiss.
Another lie dripped from his tongue.
I wasn't his only one,
he guided us to a false light.
They got away before
the union to create a replica of he.
I didn't.
He was covered in darkness.
I refused to see
I blinded myself.
Found an old red and black book
buried under dirty clothes.
The key to his strange demeanor.
A symbol used in dark cults on its cover.
It gave me weird feelings.
I couldn't put it down.
I was curious.
Highlighted text
Underlined text
Stars next to text.
This was his bible.
Naked women
photos
books
videos.
His hobby.
Ignorant me.
I was an answer to his dark prayer.
A sex slave.
My duties
to serve him
to give him
to do for him...
in return for my loyalty
a stick
to poke
to stroke
to jab
to hurt.
I sought a way out
of this mess
he called a relationship.
This was a virus.
I was infected with
his lies
his life
his dream
his plan
his scheme.
Let someone else be his prey,
so I prayed.
The sex slave left.
That's when he came to his senses,
but it was too late.
Nicholl McGuire
The Muse Within Me
She told me my work didn't thrive without love.
Who would be my muse this time?
Would it be the man who paints the beautiful trees?
Or the one with plump lips who speaks so softly.
Maybe it would be the one who loved me when...
or maybe his friend who hid his jealousy.
I loved them all with all their flaws and unique beauties.
One was tall, one white, one brown
one liked to keep his hair down.
One was fat and one just sat
and then there was one who liked to run...
They made my stomach churn, always a lot to learn.
Always fell in love so deeply,
but never did I stay above the clouds for long.
At some point their words would shatter my mind
divide me up into little wretched beings!
I would try each one on like clothing.
Toss those out that didn't fit me.
Oh those temporary lovers--
no spirit!
They tried to take my mind away from me!
Those deceptive liars
with deceptive charms
turned snakes!
I hated them all!
oh they were so ordinary
so dull
so boring
so cheap!
They always took more than what they gave!
Throw them out of my heart, my mind!
Take back what was lost this time!
I needed to find my muse once again within me.
Nicholl McGuire
Who would be my muse this time?
Would it be the man who paints the beautiful trees?
Or the one with plump lips who speaks so softly.
Maybe it would be the one who loved me when...
or maybe his friend who hid his jealousy.
I loved them all with all their flaws and unique beauties.
One was tall, one white, one brown
one liked to keep his hair down.
One was fat and one just sat
and then there was one who liked to run...
They made my stomach churn, always a lot to learn.
Always fell in love so deeply,
but never did I stay above the clouds for long.
At some point their words would shatter my mind
divide me up into little wretched beings!
I would try each one on like clothing.
Toss those out that didn't fit me.
Oh those temporary lovers--
no spirit!
They tried to take my mind away from me!
Those deceptive liars
with deceptive charms
turned snakes!
I hated them all!
oh they were so ordinary
so dull
so boring
so cheap!
They always took more than what they gave!
Throw them out of my heart, my mind!
Take back what was lost this time!
I needed to find my muse once again within me.
Nicholl McGuire
Love is Not Our Foe
What is it that you bare
that makes me stare?
How good you smell
an epitome of male?
Your love I adore
it makes me soar
to far away places
above many faces!
I feel free with you!
That's why I do what I do!
Now what do I see,
"Is that for me?"
A ring that binds,
a meeting of the minds!
Once confused about the "What ifs?"
Deep in thought between guitar riffs.
Use to think about "Could it be?"
It took awhile for us to see.
But now we know
and onward we go...
we realize love is not our foe.
Nicholl McGuire
that makes me stare?
How good you smell
an epitome of male?
Your love I adore
it makes me soar
to far away places
above many faces!
I feel free with you!
That's why I do what I do!
Now what do I see,
"Is that for me?"
A ring that binds,
a meeting of the minds!
Once confused about the "What ifs?"
Deep in thought between guitar riffs.
Use to think about "Could it be?"
It took awhile for us to see.
But now we know
and onward we go...
we realize love is not our foe.
Nicholl McGuire
He Made Me Feel Alive
His young eyes
reminded me of my youth
he told me stories
of his glories.
There was the little league trophies
the awards from the sixth grade
the diploma from high school
and an A in college English.
He was cute.
Real cute.
But you don't bring his type to mom
and you don't even think about dad.
He had no money,
he wasn't a role model dad.
He was a baby
my baby.
The dreams were all in my head.
Another memory
better off I forget.
Nicholl McGuire
reminded me of my youth
he told me stories
of his glories.
There was the little league trophies
the awards from the sixth grade
the diploma from high school
and an A in college English.
He was cute.
Real cute.
But you don't bring his type to mom
and you don't even think about dad.
He had no money,
he wasn't a role model dad.
He was a baby
my baby.
The dreams were all in my head.
Another memory
better off I forget.
Nicholl McGuire
I'm Not Going to Say It, But I Have To...
I wasn't going to say it.
Determined to stick it out.
The words...
oh they sat on the pit of my stomach and were making me ill
too many times I swallowed them!
Those words that kill relationships were bubbling.
Stirring up all kinds of emotions.
Self-control was a challenge.
But one day you made it easy
you reached down inside of me
and made me throw them up!
"Get out!" you said.
"Where do I go?"
It had been a long time since I felt this way.
The last one who said it, put his hands on me.
Why did these men hate me so much?
They never wanted me to say anything to them.
Not a piece of advice, not a compliment, not anything!
They just wanted me to admire them while they stared at my beauty.
Take their instructions and don't ask questions.
Why did I attract fools?
I really didn't want to say it, but he made me...
I didn't want to go, but he helped me walk out the door.
Returned to an old life that didn't treat me much better
only to come back to him again and nothing got better.
He had only become stronger, angrier.
Criticized me for far too long.
Walked by me like I was a pet.
Rolled his eyes like a b*tch.
"I'm tired...tired of you!
Don't breathe on me.
Your breath smells.
Tired of your miserable little hells!
Hate the look of your face.
Tired of this race.
Don't like the way you make me feel.
Your body heavy, you don't skip a meal!
Your devilish eyes
I despise.
Why, oh why, did I believe your lies!"
"So this is it,
we don't fit?" is all you could say.
No more wondering about you
no more worrying about what to do.
So I said it..."we're through!"
and now I am ready to move on.
Nicholl McGuire
Determined to stick it out.
The words...
oh they sat on the pit of my stomach and were making me ill
too many times I swallowed them!
Those words that kill relationships were bubbling.
Stirring up all kinds of emotions.
Self-control was a challenge.
But one day you made it easy
you reached down inside of me
and made me throw them up!
"Get out!" you said.
"Where do I go?"
It had been a long time since I felt this way.
The last one who said it, put his hands on me.
Why did these men hate me so much?
They never wanted me to say anything to them.
Not a piece of advice, not a compliment, not anything!
They just wanted me to admire them while they stared at my beauty.
Take their instructions and don't ask questions.
Why did I attract fools?
I really didn't want to say it, but he made me...
I didn't want to go, but he helped me walk out the door.
Returned to an old life that didn't treat me much better
only to come back to him again and nothing got better.
He had only become stronger, angrier.
Criticized me for far too long.
Walked by me like I was a pet.
Rolled his eyes like a b*tch.
"I'm tired...tired of you!
Don't breathe on me.
Your breath smells.
Tired of your miserable little hells!
Hate the look of your face.
Tired of this race.
Don't like the way you make me feel.
Your body heavy, you don't skip a meal!
Your devilish eyes
I despise.
Why, oh why, did I believe your lies!"
"So this is it,
we don't fit?" is all you could say.
No more wondering about you
no more worrying about what to do.
So I said it..."we're through!"
and now I am ready to move on.
Nicholl McGuire
Second Best
He didn't pick me first.
I was his second best.
The one he had in mind first,
was in love with someone else.
She didn't like him.
He was too old.
She was smart.
There was no chemistry
he was a bore.
Distance separated the two
or maybe it was time...
His mind walked away from number one
and became distracted with number two.
But it wasn't easy getting over number one.
It took awhile for the midlife headache to go away.
He copied the photograph of his crisis
from a MySpace page.
Downloaded some songs
and fantasized about her...and others.
While he reflected on what he couldn't have
I fell in love with him for what he promised me.
A sudden wake up call one day,
"I love you" was on my lips.
I really did love him.
The closer I got to him
the further he got away from me.
He always looked for faults, I was too good to be true.
He found them one after the other.
"You don't let me talk."
"You don't say that to the children."
"You this...You that..."
Now he wants me to change...
not going to happen.
I love me.
He got me.
I wasn't his first pick
wasn't the one he had in mind.
He sealed a deal with me with his sperm,
now he has two walking reminders.
That's what happens when you aren't sure.
That's what happens when you think you know.
That's what happens when you pick second best.
Nicholl McGuire
I was his second best.
The one he had in mind first,
was in love with someone else.
She didn't like him.
He was too old.
She was smart.
There was no chemistry
he was a bore.
Distance separated the two
or maybe it was time...
His mind walked away from number one
and became distracted with number two.
But it wasn't easy getting over number one.
It took awhile for the midlife headache to go away.
He copied the photograph of his crisis
from a MySpace page.
Downloaded some songs
and fantasized about her...and others.
While he reflected on what he couldn't have
I fell in love with him for what he promised me.
A sudden wake up call one day,
"I love you" was on my lips.
I really did love him.
The closer I got to him
the further he got away from me.
He always looked for faults, I was too good to be true.
He found them one after the other.
"You don't let me talk."
"You don't say that to the children."
"You this...You that..."
Now he wants me to change...
not going to happen.
I love me.
He got me.
I wasn't his first pick
wasn't the one he had in mind.
He sealed a deal with me with his sperm,
now he has two walking reminders.
That's what happens when you aren't sure.
That's what happens when you think you know.
That's what happens when you pick second best.
Nicholl McGuire
Turn Around, You Left Your TV On
I had left, then came back
to what he promised me.
The world had been so mean, nasty--
like a bird I needed a nest.
An escape from dramas, murder and mayhem, so I thought...
Just wanted to sit at home in peace with my love.
So I walked into a room
with a dead man seated on the sofa
eyes glued on the TV.
He didn't hear me when I called out,
told the idiot his food was ready.
He was too busy watching the box.
The phone had rung
someone had died
I had cried
wiped the tears from my eyes
started to speak
but he was watching another woman's tears.
The game is on
The news was on
The reality show will be on.
It's never a good time to interrupt.
I started to reach out to hug him
but he was rushing to get a snack
to get back to the couple on the screen making love.
The TV had enslaved his mind, he was dumb
and numb with feet bound for hours!
TV kept the fool indoors like an elderly man
in a hospice while I kept the food and drink coming.
He's still young
but he will be old real soon
then what will he do?
Hours of chaos and death
can't be good for any man's soul.
Minutes of companies
begging for yet another dollar.
Seconds of tunes
to penetrate dreams.
I told him I loved him
he said, "what?"
I told him I hated him
he said, "huh?"
I told him I was leaving him...
he got up.
Turn around, you left your TV on.
Nicholl McGuire
to what he promised me.
The world had been so mean, nasty--
like a bird I needed a nest.
An escape from dramas, murder and mayhem, so I thought...
Just wanted to sit at home in peace with my love.
So I walked into a room
with a dead man seated on the sofa
eyes glued on the TV.
He didn't hear me when I called out,
told the idiot his food was ready.
He was too busy watching the box.
The phone had rung
someone had died
I had cried
wiped the tears from my eyes
started to speak
but he was watching another woman's tears.
The game is on
The news was on
The reality show will be on.
It's never a good time to interrupt.
I started to reach out to hug him
but he was rushing to get a snack
to get back to the couple on the screen making love.
The TV had enslaved his mind, he was dumb
and numb with feet bound for hours!
TV kept the fool indoors like an elderly man
in a hospice while I kept the food and drink coming.
He's still young
but he will be old real soon
then what will he do?
Hours of chaos and death
can't be good for any man's soul.
Minutes of companies
begging for yet another dollar.
Seconds of tunes
to penetrate dreams.
I told him I loved him
he said, "what?"
I told him I hated him
he said, "huh?"
I told him I was leaving him...
he got up.
Turn around, you left your TV on.
Nicholl McGuire
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