No Going Back (1999)

I heard the loud clack,
closed the door.
Behind it,
a snore.

This was it,
no going back.
I finally got the nack.
It was easy, a snap!

No more going back and back.
Tired of spending a stack, a stack!

Couldn't go back!
His emotions did lack.
I, unfulfilled, could no longer relationship build.
Use to be very skilled at break up, to make up.
But I was one of many in his line-up.
Drank too much from an emotional death cup.

It started with his traditional belief,
brought on by intense grief.
Women stay in their lane,
sit quiet, and respect the ball and chain.
Convinced of so many foolish lies,
bad personality took me by surprise!

Anything to escape his physical pain,
how could one man be bane!
His chronic flirtation produced much frustration.
Within him, no cessation!
Remained in his dramas for far too long--
I knew, I was wrong--
was headed to damnation,
didn't flee temptation.

Couldn't see any other way out,
so I gave a blood-curdling shout,
"Want out!  Want out! I can't take anymore!
Not another whore!"
No objection, more rejection.

It became increasingly easier,
as he became more sleazier.
Beauty faded, his sweet talk
left me jaded.

Taking one day at a time,
felt like doing a crime.
Worried someone would see me,
didn't know how to free me!

Loved ones knew my struggle
and all the tasks I liked to juggle.
Warned me, "Ya'll ain't no couple.
You don't even snuggle, cuddle.  You living in a bubble!"

Looked myself in the mirror
truth became clearer.
Looked upon a smile turned upside down,
it was time to leave our miserable town.

Problem: brought the baggage with me,
drained what little glee, he grew irritating
like a flea.

As time moved so slow,
I knew I had to go.
So goodbye to the old door,
the snore,
love doesn't keep score,
it isn't a chore.
A great moment in time, Soul soar!

Nicholl McGuire





No Love for Me

They told me he was no good,
should have never showed up in my hood.
I must admit that I had eyes for him,
but he not for me.
He couldn't see me.

For years, I didn't exist.
Yet my feelings would persist.
I would insist
with a word,
a smile,
and encourage him to dial.

He was no good...
hung out with boys from a different hood.
I was warned,
"He's gay."
But I would pray--
didn't want to hear what others had to say--
even thought of a wedding day.

He fell eventually for my intention--
a strategy to get his attention.
I used my woman's intuition.

A single kiss on lips,
between soda sips,
ignored advisers' tips.
He was silly...
I'm like, "Really?"
Young, dumb...
just wanting some fun.

Years of anticipation,
yet nothing more than infatuation.

The truth would come out,
when he came out--
my gut gave a shout,
alarm bells bellowed out!
Feeling lost, in pain,
my mind, swirling like I was going insane.

Unwilling to believe the truth,
convinced of a personal lie.
Felt like I could die.
I just let out a cry.

Nicholl McGuire



My Hope Comes From You

I got a feeling
out of body
touching the ceiling
escape my issues
dab my tears with tissues
new believer
in You!

The heat arose
I didn't know
that he saw me
showed me love
rescued Me!

Problems like flames
would have consumed me
but He saved my soul--
used his golden key.

Now I feel all brand new,
I acted on his cue.
Felt like a wedding day,
still have a lot to say.

Life looking far better.
Caused I made time to read
His holy, love letter.

Promises fulfilled,
dreams were never
killed.
A lie from Satan--
he always hatin.'
I'm still living,
still breathing.

Just what was I thinking,
believing in flawed men
whose souls were sinking?

Man knows nothing
significant about life,
is an expert in causing more
strife.

Genuine love is all I ever wanted,
use to walk through life
like walking through a house that's haunted.

So much more to do...not about to give up
because of a few,
now that I know You!

Nicholl McGuire author of Socially Sweet, Privately Cruel Abusive Men and other books.

11 to 21 Years - Time with Boys

What is that emotion that keeps me writing
about boys, boys, boys...
they look at me
talk to me
see me
but not daddy.

Boys, boys, boys
replaced my toys...
oh how I loved writing about boys!

A description here and one there,
a stare, a glare, and wish to take a dare.

Couldn't think of nothing more,
much free time was spent behind a closed door.
Stayed out the way of grown ups,
because they wanted children to shut up.

Boys, boys, boys
they were like my toys...
search for them, lust them,
a light within me slowly went dim.

From 11 to 21, it was supposed to be innocent and fun,
but met the kind of boys that didn't shine like the sun.
Burdens upon me weighed like a ton.
I wanted to be done...
lusting after boys.
I wished for days again just playing with my toys.

Nicholl McGuire



Leggings

Black tight pants.
Flesh crawl like ants.

Attraction,
create dissatisfaction.

A temporary fix
a design encouraged
body shapes look like a six,
originally meant for the size six and less,
by yet another creator who respects the Six.

Too small, to fit it all.
Women buy two, three or more
walk around at the mall.

Unflattering, inappropriate
at the workplace,
elders frown--a disgrace!

Try not to look,
behinds uncovered...
temptation
a marriage already in trouble,
another issue among the rubble.

Staring, he doesn't care, his girl is standing right there!
Match with heels, those shoes kill
what could have been...
another tight, black deadly sin.

Harmless not,
another couple just fought.
Unhappy with what they got.

Leggings
tears shedding.

Nicholl McGuire

Under the Sheets

Always so nice
he rolled women like dice.

A perfect gentleman,
but often in sin.

Really thought he was smart,
yet he couldn't even smell his own fart.

He lied much, attempted to play mind games
but he usually ends up feeling ashamed.

The devil's playground is not for sensitive types.
And definitely not for those who like to believe the hype.

Between two worlds of dark and light,
gradually the so-called believer is losing his spiritual insight.

Not focused on what God is doing with others,
he listens to deceitful brothers and lies to single mothers.

Women only good for being under the sheets,
slip and slide...he brags about his big meat.

The best cut of all, tender and raw,
but he doesn't tell them he is breaking the law.

A disease that has taken over his smelly body,
he keeps quiet doesn't want to scare away a hottie.

When truth shows up, the sick man doesn't know what to do,
he worries sometimes that his surprised lovers might sue.

Under the sheets is where he was abused and used,
he leaves his lovers in pain and confused.

Nicholl McGuire

Kiss Me, Love Me - Sometimes this makes things so much better.


Chess, Love, Story
Photo from Pixabay

Your Experience

Behind closed doors
between sheets
excitement
anticipation
release.

The day goes on
new day,
new thoughts
another memory.

What did she think?
What more does he want?

Impact?
Something special?
Different.

Sex.
Your own personal satisfaction.
Your own personal perspective.

A man will be a man.
A woman will be a woman.

Nicholl McGuire

In Love?


The Truth 1998-2005

Allergic to the truth
honesty, not.
Got caught.
Distraught.

Sought someone else
to fall for the lies
personal faith,
he likes to compromise.

He thinks no one is watching,
listening...
thinks he is too clever, a good catch
likes to play with people instructs them to go "Fetch."

Should have saw this one coming long ago,
he was a worker for Satan, a common foe.

Like the rest, like the rest, always show their best...

Used God to get in doors, to make friends,
while temporarily covering disgusting sins.

Should have saw the other one coming long ago,
when he looked at me with tears in my eyes and
said, "So?" and "What about So and So?"

Heartless, cold, emotionally twisted...
kissed it...the walking dead man
that mouthed, "There you go, starting your sh*t!"

The truth, a bitter pill...
but how do those lies feel?
On a phone, a computer, out of a mouth, 

on a paper, in bed after sex.

The truth.

Nicholl McGuire



Hold on to Your Faith


Romantic Regret

Can't tell you what I'm thinkin'
'cause if I do my stomach will start sinkin.'

Dreams, hopes and things
wore a few too many rings.

Past memories they bring
wounds, they start to sting.

My inspirational Spirit sings.

Wish I could tell you what I'm thinkin'
but I know me, I might start swingin'

A fight within still lives,
I wonder, "What gives?"

How much does one have to put up,
to receive a badge that reads, "This one's tough!"

So I hold out for my next vision,
before I make yet another bad decision.

Nicholl McGuire